I think we can all agree how wonderful and talented Stephen King is. If you can’t, I’m pretty sure you’ve stumbled onto the wrong website. For those who do agree, I think it’s evident that he can create beloved characters – Stu, Franny, Ben, Bev, Danny, Jake, etc. However, he is just as likely to create characters with outcomes or trials so horrifying, you would never, ever want to be them. This week’s top ten list (as hosted by The Broke and the Bookish): characters you’d never want to trade places with (because who in their right mind would ever want to be Wendy Torrance – who is not even on this list). Because I feel like I haven’t done an ode to Stephen King in a while (well, since yesterday), I thought I would limit my list to women who occur in the Stephen King universe. There are an awful lot to choose from.
In no particular order, except – and please take this as your warning – number one has a SPOILER. Skip it if you haven’t (and are planning to) read Bag of Bones.
10. Jessie Burlingame (Gerald’s Game). Always use the fake handcuffs. Always. And don’t antagonize your husband if it looks like he could be susceptible to a heart attack.
09. Nadine Cross (The Stand). You know it’s bad when you’d rather be thrown off a building than be with your boyfriend anymore.
08. Donna Camber (Cujo). Think twice before you get a puppy. Also, always pack some extra water in the car.
07. Susan Norton (‘Salem’s Lot). You know that cute writer that just moved back to town – DO NOT PURSUE HIM.
06. Ilse Freemantle (Duma Key). But she was just being a good daughter…
05. Becky DeMuth (In the Tall Grass). Let’s just say she eats something that doesn’t sit well.
04. Sammy Bushey (Under the Dome). Her whole existence is unfortunate. It probably started when she married that meth cooker.
03. Dolores Claiborne (Dolores Claiborne). Sometimes you just have to get it done. And she does, but I wouldn’t want to be in that position.
02. Carrietta White (Carrie). I believe this one is self-explanatory.
01. Mattie Devore (Bag of Bones). SPOILER: I sobbed when Mattie was shot and killed. I rarely cry, but her whole life was just so fucking sad – the trailer, the husband, the child, the in-laws…
So which character would you never want to be? Bonus points if you choose one from Stephen King’s literary universe.
Image via Parade (Michael Edwards)