Lists, Personal, Reviews

Guidance Counseling: A Top Ten List

(To be quite honest, I am totally stumped as to this week’s top ten prompt as hosted by The Broke and the Bookish – I’ve already done settings I’d like to see more of, things I avoid, and topics I want more of – so you get the following instead. I am so sorry.)

I am not romantic.

I’ve said it before and given the general content of my blog, it should come as no surprise.

That being said, I love a good romantic storyline (not novel) as much as the next person. However, all of the favorite best romances are atypical. Not standard. Unattainable. Insert whatever word means that I cannot have it. For example, you have Jamie and Claire (time traveler), Dex and Perry (ghost hunters), Matthew and Diana (vampire and witch, respectively), Benedick and Beatrice (I’m just not that witty, sadly), Aragorn and Arwen (take your pick of where to start), Buttercup and Westley (because Westley doesn’t exist).

Often it seems there is an inversely proportional relationship between the glamour/desirability of a relationship and the success/attainability of the relationship. Let’s take a few “real life” couples: Keira and Kellan (famous rock star), Kim and Kanye (no explanation needed), Ana and Christian (he just wants to be loved and, you know, he’s the world’s most successful twenty-something). All members of said relationships are human (fictional or not), but is the average person going to engage in a relationship that remotely resembles any of the above? No.

I not-so-recently (is there a time limit on sharing prior relationship fights?) engaged in a conversation, via text message, where I intended to be sweet. You may not know this, but I generally have a very sweet disposition. On occasion, at least. I, feeling warm and fuzzy, texted said guy a very simple “I love you”. He texted back “Thank you. That’s nice. What is it that you want me to buy you?”. Seriously. You can guess where it went from there – nowhere good. Nowhere good at all. This is what I want from authors. I needed guidance on how to handle that exchange. Where do you possibly go – amicably – from there? This week’s top ten list: Things On My Reading Wishlist (if you could make authors write about these things you would). I want authors to write – and write well – about the issues and fights that plague the average relationship. No billionaires, no one who looks like the hottest marble statue to ever grace the earth, no one who is a rock star or secret assassin… You get the picture.

Couple

Since we all know that literature makes us smarter and nicer, I would like to see more of the following situations from contemporary authors (a little free guidance counseling, if you will):

10. That fight you have about who takes out the garbage that turns into…”the fight that ends all fights”. Because we all want to know how to get to the point where relationship participants engage in mind-blowing make-up sex without actually having killed each other first.

09. That fight you have about who would win in the following fight: Batman vs. Daredevil. Because Daredevil. Hands down.

(Grammar nerds, I give you the evolution of because.)

08. What to do when the guy you’re interested in has not and will not read Jane Eyre. This is the fight that (probably) coined the term irreconcilable differences.

07. What to do when, on the third date, the guy asks if you would consider dying your hair blonde? (First, choke on drink.) Do you bother to continue seeing him? Because I generally think girls already have enough self-esteem issues to worry about. And why, oh why, is it always blonde?!?

06. What to do when, on the first date, your potential partner admits that Rascal Flatts is his favorite band. Because snobbery is generally frowned upon, but…

05. You meet a person who thinks there should be a limit on the amount of cardigans or flannels a person owns. There’s not.

04. When you hear the question “Who’s James Taylor?”. (Shudders at the memory.)

03. What to do when someone does not enjoy a good argument. Some people argue for fun. I am one of them.

02. Does not understand the art of the mixtape. Self-explanatory.

01. When you realize that only one of you lists seasons 1-6 of The X-Files as one of the best shows ever made. I want to believe it would work out, but let’s be realistic.

So all that I want is a little bit of reality inserted into my romantic reading. I want to know the proper response to an ignored text or how to perfect the restrained, polite response to a stupid question. I want to know what happens when one person is an X-Files kind of girl and one person is a Real World vs. Road Rules kind of boy. What happens next? I know dramatic literature is what sells, but what about all the quiet moments in between. Let’s start with any of the situations above – please and thank you.

That’s what I want to read about. So… What’s on your bookish wishlist?

Image found via Flickr.

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