Lists, Miscellanea, Reviews

Wishful Thinking: A Top Ten List

In a perfect world*, the movie would always be as good as the book. This is rarely the case. It does happen occasionally (here are ten movies that are better than the book, I still stand by my belief that anyone who enjoyed the book version of The Last of the Mohicans is a pretentious liar). However, this is the exception and not the rule. This week’s top ten list: books that you would like to see made into a movie or television show. I’m tweaking the prompt a bit by including a few books that have already been adapted, but need to be done again – just better.

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In no particular order:

10. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. I cannot even fathom how this could be done, but rumor has it that it will. Eventually. It so, so, SO violent, yet it is a stunning novel. For those of you saying No Country for Old Men (another McCarthy adaptation) is also violent – well (an accurate) Blood Meridian will make No Country for Old Men look like a Disney film.

9. American Gods by Neil Gaiman. HBO is probably making this. Maybe. But they won’t confirm, of course.

8. Locke and Key by Joe Hill. This is my favorite comic. It was almost made into a television show by Fox. It failed the first time around and has now been picked up by Universal and is to be made into a movie.

7. Underworld by Don Delillo. This should only be done if it can be done well.

6. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy O’Toole. Steven Soderbergh has tried. Stephen Fry has tried. The former actually believes the book to be cursed. I still want to see it happen. It is arguably – and I have argued the point – one of the funniest books ever written. It’s why I never eat canned food. It’s a perversion.

5. The Secret History by Donna Tartt. I sort of wish Alfred Hitchcock was still alive so he could direct it.

4. The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach. If it’s made into a movie, someone needs to promise me that the character names will be kept the same.

The last three options have already been made into films. However, they were botched so badly that I’m perfectly willing to forget they ever happened. Let’s start again, shall we?

3. Bag of Bones by Stephen King. I still get irritable when I think about what an asshole Pierce Brosnan made Mike Noonan. Don’t make my hero a vile pissant.

2. Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe. I picked up The Devil’s Candy recently. A detailed account of the abomination Brian DePalma created. It was enlightening. Seriously.

1. The Stand by Stephen King. Where. To. Start. I vote to pretend it never happened. I hear Ben Affleck is possibly interested in directing it. This is most likely wishful thinking, but the 12-year-old girl inside of me is swooning (maybe the grown-up version too).

Well, at any rate, hope springs eternal.

shoes*Also in a perfect world, I would not get stuck walking home in a hailstorm. It was horrible. Not only am I covered in bruises, I ruined my shoes. That was my day. How was yours?

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